Dinner On Tortuna
by Red Witch
Summary: Nimrod tries to make new contacts for future evil plots. Doesn't go that well.


**The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters has gone out to dinner and a movie. Just another mad fic in my never ending quest to come up with stories no one else has thought of. Seriously, it's not easy dudes and dudettes. But somebody's gotta do it! **

**Dinner on Tortuna**

"I don't think this was a good idea," Reggit the white tiger man looked around the elegant restaurant.

"Don't complain to me," Nimrod gave his lover a look. "This dinner was your idea. You're always complaining about how we never go out and meet new people! So don't try and back out now!"

"I am not backing out!" Reggit sniffed. "I'm just wondering if this choice of location to meet with them was the most appropriate. These are escaped Supertroopers you know?"

"Exactly, and this is the fanciest restaurant in Tortuna," Nimrod said. "Probably the only place in the galaxy where they can go."

"I'm sure there are other restaurants where they can go where there's a trough or big fire pit or something," Reggit stiffed.

"Look this is a networking dinner," Nimrod said. "Like it or not we need to make more contacts. Especially with the Queen making herself more unavailable than a supermodel to an all you can eat buffet."

"A buffet! Why didn't we think of that?" Reggit said. "We'd be in and out and load up a huge kitty bag to go."

"You mean doggy bag…Oh right we're cats," Nimrod blinked. "Anyway normally I wouldn't be complaining about the Queen's lack of attention on me. But lately business on Tortuna is getting a bit difficult."

"I know those Crown Agents are acting like regular storm troopers," Reggit sniffed. "First they arrested every Zanquil they could find and shut down their operations. Closed down the Stars Bar and Grill and last I heard Geezy the Pedulant is on the run. They burned down his store and everything."

"Not just his store," Nimrod said. "A lot of Pedulants and other people are being arrested and squeezed out of business. So it's more important than ever that we make a good impression on these people if we want to do business with them!"

"Okay who do you have to shoot to get a drink in this dump?" Chimera snarled as she sauntered in with Gravestone. "Gravestone we're in a classy joint! Stop picking your nose you big oaf!"

"Ohhhh **this** is going to be fun," Reggit muttered under his breath.

"Chimera! Gravestone! Darlings! Glad you could make it!" Nimrod said cheerfully. "It's been so long!"

"Who's this pinhead again?" Gravestone asked Chimera.

"He's the guy who's paying for a free meal so shove it!" Chimera snapped.

"Nimrod the Cat and Reggit the Tiger, my partner!" Nimrod introduced. "Come on, let's eat! Garcon! Table for four please!"

"I am sorry Sir," A snooty purple waiter looked over Gravestone and Chimera. "But this restaurant has a very strict dress code…"

Chimera pulled out a large gun as Gravestone lifted up the waiter by the neck with one hand. "Which the two of you **more** than qualify for…" The waiter gasped. "In fact I don't think I have ever seen a better dressed couple enter this establishment! Right this way…Please?"

"At least we don't have to worry about bribing the head waiter," Reggit remarked as they were shown to a large table. "Security maybe but…"

"Hey! You!" Gravestone grabbed a waiter as they sat down. "Give us some beer and pretzels now!"

"This is a fancy restaurant, Idiot! Not the Stars Bar and Grille!" Chimera snapped. "You don't order beer and pretzels here! You order wine and appetizers!"

"Well sor-rry!" Gravestone growled. "Not all of us are as cultured and sophisticated as you! At least I don't spit in my food!"

"No, you just eat off of everyone else's plate like a pig!" Chimera snapped. "I take that back because even **pigs** don't shove as much food into their mouth as you do!"

"I have a rapid metabolism that was designed into my genetic structure and I do what I can to deal with it," Gravestone snarled.

"Yeah well by the looks of it your 'genetic structure' you're about a few apples away from being mistaken for being the main course at a luau!" Chimera snapped.

"Oh fat jokes! How funny!" Gravestone snorted. "This from a woman who looks like she's retaining more fluids than the Perrier Water Bottling factory!"

"You know I get PMS!" Chimera snapped.

"Yeah? How would I know when **that **happens? Because you have such a charming personality **every day** of the month!" Gravestone snapped.

"You know maybe we should order something now?" Reggit suggested.

"I was just about to say that," Nimrod grabbed a menu. "You know this restaurant is famous for it's roasted goose. I mean the **veal!** Yes! They have lovely veal! Oh it's so tempting! But it goes straight to my thighs!"

"Explain to me again **why** we're sitting with these losers?" Gravestone looked at Chimera.

"For the **tenth** time, it's a free meal," Chimera gritted her teeth. "And whatever stupid caper they're up to it can't be any worse than anything Brainchild has come up with! And at least they won't yammer on for hours about Goose!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," Gravestone said.

"You'd forget your own head if it wasn't attached!" Chimera snapped. "I swear your brain is even smaller than that stupid chicken of yours!"

"Oh no…" Gravestone grumbled. "Here we go. Can we have **one night** without you complaining about Fred Junior?"

"Can I have one night without you smelling like a **diseased vulture?"** Chimera snapped.

"You know what I think I **will** have the veal," Nimrod looked at his menu again.

"Yeah me too," Reggit gulped.

"I don't know what you **want** from me Woman!" Gravestone snapped.

"What I **want** is for you to grow a brain cell and **think **for a change!" Chimera snapped. "Or the very least pull your weight around here!"

"PULL MY WEIGHT?" Gravestone snapped. "I'M THE ONE THAT'S ALWAYS DRAGGING YOUR FAT BUTT AROUND!"

"Honey, I'm scared," Nimrod held onto Reggit's paws.

"Me too, Darling," Reggit gulped.

"You low life fool!" Chimera snapped as she stood up. "**I'm** the one that always has to come up with the ideas! What have you ever done on your own? Huh? When you go out on the town and go steal things what do you steal? Tell me Mister Big Shot! What **exactly** have you stolen the past six months?"

"Can we get some wine here? Please!" Nimrod yelled.

"Yeah get them liquored up," Reggit muttered. "That'll help the situation!"

"Have you stolen jewelry? No," Chimera laid into her boyfriend. "Have you stolen gold? No! Starstones? **No!** Weapons or anything valuable we can sell? NO! What **have **you stolen, Gravestone? I'll tell you what you've stolen! CHICKEN FEED! OVER A TON OF STUPID CHICKEN FEED FOR YOUR STUPID CHICKEN!"

"What about those cars I got?"

"FIFTY SEVEN TOY CARS? YEAH THAT'S A HOT ITEM ON THE BLACK MARKET!" Chimera yelled. "Why do I stay with you? Seriously, why?"

"Oh yeah like **you're** such a prize!" Gravestone snorted. "No one else is stupid enough to have you!"

"What's wrong with me, may I ask?"

"You want the whole list or just the **top ten?"** Gravestone snapped. "For starters you snore! Every night it's like I'm sleeping next to a **foghorn!** You could guide ships in a fog with that nose!"

"I do **not** snore!"

"Yeah right!" Gravestone snorted. "And it's just a coincidence that **every time** we sleep outside you attract a herd of alien moose!"

"At least I don't **smell** like them!" Chimera snapped.

"Why don't you two freaks get out of here and let the rest of us eat in peace!" A green alien sniffed.

"HEY! THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN INSULT MY WOMAN IS **ME!**" Gravestone snapped. He tackled the alien and punched him out.

"You know something, I've **had** it! There are **other ways** to get a free meal!" Chimera took out her weapon and fired it into the ceiling.

"Yeah! Let's take all the food we want from this highbrow joint and all the cash!" Gravestone threw a waiter onto a table, breaking it. "Hey! Then we can go blow up all the other high class joints and steal from them!"

"Now you're talking, Baby!" Chimera whooped as she blew up a chandelier.

"Well I wanted to start something with those two but this is **not** what I had in mind," Nimrod groaned as he drank a bottle of wine amid the chaos and screaming.

"Just what Tortuna needs," Reggit sighed. "**Two more** Supertroopers tearing it to pieces!"

"Kilbane, Galaxy Rangers, Crown Agents and now Chimera and Gravestone," Nimrod groaned. "If this planet is still standing by the end of the year it'll be a **miracle!"**


End file.
